Well Day 2 - so far doing good with keeping the posts current lol.




I am reading a very insightful book right now "Overcoming Life's Disappointments - Learning from Moses how to cope with frustration" by Harold S Kushner .



I mentioned in my earlier post, that I am separated. Well during this time I am, besides dealing with working and dealing with the other residents in the Zoo , trying to uncover my true self and get to the root cause of WHY did my marriage fall away.



This was just a book that W left behind [humm like Me? maybe]. I picked it up as something to read over my breakfast instead of sitting in front of either the TV or the Computer. I know I know I should not be distracted during meal time - this is the fastest way to weight gain... I KNOW!!!! Anyway I started reading it and it really spoke to my heart and soul in alot of ways. The premise is that Moses was a great Man and accomplished the most defining event in Jewish history to take the Israelites out of Egypt and into freedom and their Promised Land. But the personal Man had to deal with the same things all humans deal with ~ insecurity, jealously, ungratefulness, unfaithfulness, and finally disappointment that he led his people the Promised Land but would not be thier Leader/ mentor in this land of Milk and Honey.



So What does that Mean to me?



I live with insecurity - my wife W is younger and a beautiful person with a wide open extroverted personality. She is the creative , get people to do things person. She is out in the community doing and encouraging. I am not so much. I am the quiet person in the background doing the everyday things to keep the house working , working at a secure boring job, and was considered to be safe reliable and always there. I am the person that things happen to, not the person that makes things happen. This was a dynamic that SEEMED to work fine for almost 10 years. Then suddenly W met up with an old friend who just lost a partner. This partner was W 1st GF from 30+ yr ago so lots of sadness and mutual grieving. This lead to the Unfaithfulness.




I understand in my head, but in my heart it drove a knife.




There is a passage in the book from the chapter Who Are You Working For? Where we read that Moses is bringing the original 10 commandments from Mt Sinai and he sees his people worshiping a golden calf. He is crushed and betrayed. The tablets are broken. instead of giving up he comes to the reslization that NO ONE is Perfect. He has to readjust his dream and vision of who they are. He picks up and creates the 2nd set of tablets and saves the broken peices to remind him of that dream of perfection and fidelity in the people.

'the sad truth is that in every relationship involving love and trust , there exists the seeds of betrayal.... such betrayals can be repaired. However the level of trust is different from what existed before ...The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places...'




I like to think I am stronger at the broken place. i know that I am a capable, strong and friendly caring person. I have opened myself to making new friendships and even threw a Xmas party[ the 1st one i every hosted by Myself, EVER]. I am picking up the pieces of my particular Dream and redesigning a more realistic one with open eyes and open heart.



Well more to come later



See you at the Zoo