Hello again

Just a few words I am like the 800 000 000 users of Face Book - I share silly pictures and mangeled quotes - I like my friends statuses and add and delete FB Apps.

However today I read a post by my Mother in-law R that really touched my soul and seemed to speak directly to me - how self-centered I know! - and I am hopeing she will give me permission to post to this blog.

However you can go to her webpage and read more about this wonderful person and her views on personal journeys

http://ruthmacfadden.wordpress.com/category/health-and-wellness/

have a great day

Love from the Zoo

Well Life is still continuing here at the Zoo.

Some changes taking place- Again- WTF! Anyway my niece D and bf C are moving out and taking the Mr snuggles and Kringes with them - :( . Bolt will miss the company and so will I. It seems that there is never a day or week that doesn't hold some major upheaval lately.

I am not saying I wont be ok - I like the idea that my home is now all mine to hang out in and I do not have to be dressed when I walk downstairs or be cheerful in the mornings instead of a grouch before my caffeine levels reach an acceptable level.

I have NEVER lived alone in all my 49+yrs [there I said it ] And technically I am not alone I do have my Bolt to keep me canine company, but its not the same as a person that you see ,speak with, do the social compromise dance with on a daily basis. That dance is comforting even if you don't get along because we as human creatures are Social and like to live with our packs or tribes.

I am trying to reconcile the Pack of ONE that is Me Connie - Who am I What do I like - what rhythms do I dance to daily? Being Alone or being Solitary has so many adjustments, I ask myself things like - Why Do I get up in the early AM - I can stay in bed till noon if I want to. I never have to sweep/dust/tidy clean my house everyday as who will criticize the dust or the untidiness of my space? I can turn the music up to blasting and feel the blows of the Bass line to my very core if i want to ~ If I want to.

Just as the world follows a path and the seasons have a a pattern to follow, I find myself settling into my own rhythms. I need purpose- I have a space  inside that is waiting for   Something ... Something ... that only I can provide - that no one else can give me and i have not discovered yet. Maybe I have and I have not allowed myself to feel it. To feel Whole as a ONE instead of a part of someone else.

The zoo needs routine and purpose. I am looking forward to the NEW DANCE of my Life

Listening to Diana Krall  at the ZOO

Hello again I have been off the Grid for a few days!! Imagine that in this 21st  century technically connected age!

I was at the Time To Celebrate! Lesbian Dinner, Dance & Socialat the Tatamagouche Centre.

It was incredible and filled with amazing womyn some of whom have been the backbone of the GLBT    movement in Nova Scotia. I met some very inspiring womyn and had fun eating dancing and listening to stories that help me understand our community a little better. 

*****Disclaimer Important Adult Language********

One person I met there really blew me away - she was short plump, funny, bubbly and welcoming to a stranger. She also was recovering from cancer treatments for a cancer in a place that I had not considered before ** vulva** or Twat as she called it.  She had contracted HPV or Human Papillomavirus in her 20's and she was now in her 50's. 

She explained that she could no longer ride a bike - Harley Davidson was her bike or horses - she raised horses! This womyn , who from outward appearances was happy and full of life, had to undergo this cancer and resulting surgry because in her time there was no vaccine for the HPV. 

If you are reading this and are a young womyn or know young womyn/girls that are sexually active or will be sexually active- PLEASE get the vaccine from your GP or OB/GYN because this is one of the know causes of vulval cancer. This is not the only cause but it is one that can be removed from the equation. 

see you at the Zoo

The weather is cold here in Truro NS  and I like to snuggle up. I hang out at the computer desk where the heat that is thrown off by the CPU warms my feet and I typically have a dog and or a kitten sitting on my lap.
We luckily live in a town that has its own clothing manufacturer: Stanfield's, The company makes and sells their own branded clothes including woolen  LongJohns and all types of underwear. 

I love my long-sleeved women's  brushed cotton t-shirt, It is nice and cosy enough that I am warm. It is  lightweight enough that I can still move and do [blegh] housework and stuff like that. 

this the so cool and industrial [of course] Stanfield's plant

Ahh forgot to meantion there was an entire campaign for testicular cancer, where This Guy stayed Home in his Underwear - courtesy of Stanfield's Here is a link to the YouTube 25 day event

 

This is the style of long sleeved top I am wearing - however mine is PINK lol 

 

 

see you later at the ZOO

Hello
The weekend is over and done . i sometimes forget to leave the Zoo and insulate myself with TV and the internet. This time i had enough cabin fever and set out on a safari to my in laws- not to wild for an adventure. My father in law M  is a sweet charming gentleman and his 3rd wife R is like an earth Mother spirtual womyn and i love the both of them to pieces.
As luck would have it it was supper time! how convenient Haha.
R is a fantasitic cook and we had homemade soup and a glass of  wine for the meal

Here is a good hearty soup recipe for the winter blues ~ this is not her recipie as she makes things with a pinch of this a dash of that and the ingredients mesh together as a wonderful never to be recreated again masterpiece ~ this is kinda close and is just what the soul needs for comfort 

This is from 
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/winter-root-vegetable-soup/detail.aspx

 

Winter Root Vegetable Soup

Ingredients

• 3 parsnips, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
• 3 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
• 1 celery root, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
• 2 turnips, quartered
• 1 sweet potato, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
• 1 (2 pound) butternut squash, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1 stalk celery, diced
• 1/2 sweet onion, diced
• 1 quart vegetable broth
• 1/2 cup half-and-half cream
• salt and ground black pepper to taste

Directions

1. Preheat an oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
2. Combine parsnips, carrots, celery root, turnips, sweet potato, and butternut squash in a large roasting pan. Drizzle with olive oil, and season with 1 teaspoon of kosher salt and 1/2 teaspoon of pepper. Toss vegetables to evenly distribute seasonings.
3. Roast in the preheated oven until the vegetables are easily pierced with a fork, 30 to 45 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes.
4. Meanwhile, melt the butter in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium heat. Stir in the celery and onion; cook and stir until the onion has softened and turned translucent, about 5 minutes. Pour in the vegetable broth and bring to a simmer, uncovered. Stir in the roasted vegetables and continue simmering for 10 minutes. Puree the soup using an immersion blender. Stir in the half and half, and season with salt and pepper, if necessary. If the soup becomes too thick, add more vegetable broth.

Nutritional Information

Amount Per Serving  Calories: 324 | Total Fat: 18g | Cholesterol: 23mg

 

Well Day 2 - so far doing good with keeping the posts current lol.




I am reading a very insightful book right now "Overcoming Life's Disappointments - Learning from Moses how to cope with frustration" by Harold S Kushner .



I mentioned in my earlier post, that I am separated. Well during this time I am, besides dealing with working and dealing with the other residents in the Zoo , trying to uncover my true self and get to the root cause of WHY did my marriage fall away.



This was just a book that W left behind [humm like Me? maybe]. I picked it up as something to read over my breakfast instead of sitting in front of either the TV or the Computer. I know I know I should not be distracted during meal time - this is the fastest way to weight gain... I KNOW!!!! Anyway I started reading it and it really spoke to my heart and soul in alot of ways. The premise is that Moses was a great Man and accomplished the most defining event in Jewish history to take the Israelites out of Egypt and into freedom and their Promised Land. But the personal Man had to deal with the same things all humans deal with ~ insecurity, jealously, ungratefulness, unfaithfulness, and finally disappointment that he led his people the Promised Land but would not be thier Leader/ mentor in this land of Milk and Honey.



So What does that Mean to me?



I live with insecurity - my wife W is younger and a beautiful person with a wide open extroverted personality. She is the creative , get people to do things person. She is out in the community doing and encouraging. I am not so much. I am the quiet person in the background doing the everyday things to keep the house working , working at a secure boring job, and was considered to be safe reliable and always there. I am the person that things happen to, not the person that makes things happen. This was a dynamic that SEEMED to work fine for almost 10 years. Then suddenly W met up with an old friend who just lost a partner. This partner was W 1st GF from 30+ yr ago so lots of sadness and mutual grieving. This lead to the Unfaithfulness.




I understand in my head, but in my heart it drove a knife.




There is a passage in the book from the chapter Who Are You Working For? Where we read that Moses is bringing the original 10 commandments from Mt Sinai and he sees his people worshiping a golden calf. He is crushed and betrayed. The tablets are broken. instead of giving up he comes to the reslization that NO ONE is Perfect. He has to readjust his dream and vision of who they are. He picks up and creates the 2nd set of tablets and saves the broken peices to remind him of that dream of perfection and fidelity in the people.

'the sad truth is that in every relationship involving love and trust , there exists the seeds of betrayal.... such betrayals can be repaired. However the level of trust is different from what existed before ...The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places...'




I like to think I am stronger at the broken place. i know that I am a capable, strong and friendly caring person. I have opened myself to making new friendships and even threw a Xmas party[ the 1st one i every hosted by Myself, EVER]. I am picking up the pieces of my particular Dream and redesigning a more realistic one with open eyes and open heart.



Well more to come later



See you at the Zoo

me at 3 yrs old

 

bolt my baby

Me again

This is me talking and Gesturing as I talk as normal 

What lives in the Zoo

Hello all the folks that will be stopping by randomly. The Zoo is my life and my physical residence in Truro Nova Scotia. The critters that live in the Zoo are, me, Connie AKA Catibri and an assorted grouping of animals and people.
There is my dog Bolt - yes named after the animated movie dog - nothing like him though. He is a small Chihuahua/Japanese Chin mix. He has a buddy dog named Kringles a schnauzer mix. There is also a frustratingly bossy kitten with various names, Lucky Charms [ there will be a totally separate post about that name] and Mr, Snuggles.
I also live with my niece D. and her bf C. They share the Zoo as it is a big 4 bedroom 2 story house and it needs to be filled with family, so there we are. 
Me? I am a close to 50 yr old womyn , who is currently separated but in the midst of a reconciliation with my wife W. I work at home for a big Cable company - cool hey that I don't have to leave home to get to work- but i almost hardly ever get OUT!!!! Sorry my cabin fever emphasis there. 
So this should be a start and hopefully i will remember to post weekly if not daily. 

Thanks for stopping by - I say this as Mr.snuggles is eating out of my soup - welcome to the Zoo!